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04:13pm 22/03/2004
  Hi peoples. I switched my journal. I need change! Ok. Anywayz. New journal name thingy is... www.diaries.suchisthis.com and my name is blu3eyes. I love you guys so much. ::Sniffle::

BYE!
 
     

(1 stupid people | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Im going crazy, crazy, crazy.   
02:08pm 20/03/2004
 
mood: calm
Wow. I am really fucking bored. Molly might come over since we both got ditched by Leah, Brittany and Jenna. Oh well. I dont really care anymore. Friends cant be perfect. And ethier can I. Hmn'. My tummy hurts. I hope my dad bought a charger for my phone because I miss having a cell phone now. Here he comes so hopefully. I kinda got pissed off at Leah and Brittany today. Brittany Jenna and Molly were supposed to go to Sams tonight. And Molly doesnt wanna go because she doesnt want Leah to feel left out. So Brittany says that Leah can take Mollys place. -.-' She tries too much like I do. I want to call someone but there is no one to call. ='( How sad. Haha. Anywayz. Im gonna try and see if Brittany and them left to go to Ronnie's house. Oh yeah. Today is Ronnie's Birthday. And who was invited? Me? Hell no. Molly was though. So was everyone else besides me. I guess I cant be to pisssed off about that. Since I dont know Ronnie that well. If Leah loses her virginity tonight I will never talk to her again though. I hope she isnt that stupid. Maybe she is but oh well. Not my fault if she gets AIDS. Molly is going to Ronnie's house. Im not. How fun. When I try to help someone they just forget about me. I feel so special. People fucking suck ass. YOU FUCKING LAME ASS PEOPLE! I think Im gonna goo upstairs and cut again. For Leah. Hah. How fucking interesting. I want to talk to my Jenny but she isnt home. Damn her. I have like no friends again. That care anyway. How suprising. 476-4321 Remember that number Kaite. Ok? OK! Im really tired. I should go and fall asleep or cut or something. Whatever. You people suck big monkey butholes. Heh. Funny. Anywayz. I havent talked to Rob since I saw his dick during lunch. Not even after school that day. Wow. How sad? I usually talk to him everyday. Oh well. I could care less. I got invited to go to Sam Terinova's house. Or however you spell her last name. I dont think I will since I dont know who the hell she is really. And I would feel kinda akward sleeping in her house. Why is this such a big deal? Jeez. I have no life again! YAY! Ok. Well I am gonna go. Byby
Luv n' Everything else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(4 stupid peoples | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
The quiet things that no one ever knows.   
10:06pm 19/03/2004
 
mood: chipper
Wow. I am so bored. Hmn'. Maybe because everybody left me out of thier plans like always. ::Sigh:: Oh fucking well. They suck. Um. Yeah. Rob is pissed at me because I am pissed at him if that makes sense. My mom gave me money! Wow! Im probably going to the mall tomorow and getting clothes. I finally get to shop at Hot Topic. For once. For actual clothes anyway. I didnt see her though. I forget what she looks like. I kind of miss having a mom. Oh well. Her loss. Actually. Probably mine. Like always. Anywayz. Leah's Mom got fired from her job today. She came home early crying. I felt kinda bad for her. She doesnt have a job now. And she has no money to pay for bills as it is. And plus Leah. Who is a major handfull. And might need braces. Poor Kelly. Me and Brianna are gonna try and help her find a job though. We thought about her working in a hotel downtown. We already called and everything. I take charge man. Heh. I felt bad so I had to do something. She even made me cry. Kelly is like my mom. I love her more than my real mom. She is really cool.

Well Rob pissed me off. Not just today but all fucking week. He was all over Jenna and Brittany since Laur wasnt here all week. I wanted to smack the shit out of him. But today he really pissed me off. Ok. We were standing in line for lunch and he comes up to Jenna and hugs her. And I mean like lifts her up and smashes her boobs against his chest hug. And then to Brittany. And then he comes up to me and I said that he was pissing me off. And then he pretended to yawn and he put his arm around my shoulder. And I said You really are Rob. And he said WHAT THE FUCK! Really loud. And then I whispered to Brittany so he could hear me that I dont think he knows that Im not joking. The fact is that Laur wouldnt be too happy if she saw Rob all over Jenna and Britt. And that makes me think that he doesnt really love her and he is just using her which is really bad because I know Laur loves Rob. But I dont know if Rob loves her. GR! I dont know why I care. Well I think I ruined mine and Rob's friendship. I knew his friendships with people dont last more than a year. What a shame. I know he will ebd up talking to me and begging me not to tell Lauren that he has been a bad boy. -.-' Oh fucking well. Sometimes I wish Rob would get real before life pulls his boxers down to show his un-prepared but? Oh yeah. Today he pulled his fucking dick out right in front of me in lunch. I was kinda like... Ew. But then kinda like. HAHHAHAHAHAHAAH! Its not small. Its actully. Really big. But ummm...Nevermind. -.-' Yeah Well I think I will leave you with the question...How bg is Rob's penis? Byby.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
Luv n' Everything Else
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Meant to Live.   
09:56pm 18/03/2004
 
mood: moody
Wow. Talking to Alex is now like...

Hi.
Hello.
How are you?
Ok. But my head kinda hurts.
Oh.
Yeah.
..............
DIE BITCH DIE!
NO YOU DIE BITCH!
NO YOU!
NO YOU!
GRR!

Heh. Yeah Wierd0ness. Oh well. My head hurts alot man! Gr. Um. Im bored. I didnt go to school. Go fucking me! ^.^ Heh. Im trying to be nice. But. Who cares? I cant type right. My fingers wont move with my hands. Its wierd. My knuckles hurt. Oh yeah. My dad got in a fight with this one guy at Burger King. He punched that dude. Hehehe. Cool. My daddy punched someone. Wh0o0o! Ok. Anywayz. My brain hurts. I actully cried today. Its the first time in a while. I cut last night in the bathtub too. It feels wierd. I dont know why though. I guess because your skin in hot andwet and stuff. I dont know though. Well Im gonna go now. Im really tired.
Byez
Luv n' Everything Else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Who I am.   
04:03pm 18/03/2004
  I dont know who the hell I am anymore. What the hell am I doing?I like the people I am with. Just they arent like me. They are the people who I would think of last. I dont know what the hell Im doing! I thought I was happy but now Im not sure. I am using so many drugs and its not just weed anymore. Its alcohol and pill popping. On fucking school nights too! I dont know whats wrong with me anymore. Well Im gonna go and be someone else now. Bye.
Luv n' Everything Else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
So0o0...   
09:50pm 14/03/2004
  I spent the night at Jenna's house. Alot of people were there. Like Brianna and Brittany and Caitlyn and Jenna. And ME! Hehehe. I had fun. They are fun people. Like Really. Rob was being an asshole today. More than usual. Thats bad. I cut the other night at Leahs house. With an actual razor this time. It feels like such a relief so cut with something that doesnt make you want to scream. Like a fishing Knife. -.-' Im retarded. Yeah anywayz. Im really bored. Like oober bored. Damn Me and my bored-ness. Umm Yeah I love you too Alex. Signing off like that. BITCH! Lol. J/p Umm Anywayz. My finger feels wierd.
Well
G2g
Luv n' everything else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(3 stupid peoples | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Grounded. Grounded for a long time.   
04:31pm 10/03/2004
 
mood: giddy
Hehehe. Im Grounded. W0ot-ness. Blah. Nothing to do. Nothing to do. I didnt go to school. Because my throat is on fire. Yeah. And he didnt believe me so I got grounded. Oh fucking well. Im gonna cry now? Boo-hoo? I wanted to go to school but I didnt want to get up. I wanted to see RObs face. Hehehehe. So I could tell if the things I said really made him mad. Hmn'. I bet they did. And I wonder if Lauren wants to hurt me now. Since most of the things were about her and him being together or what not. Shit. I think he is here. No. My dad isnt home yet. Yay Go me. Wait...Okie Im outie.
Luv n; everything else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(1 stupid people | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Hurting things on the outside to kill the things on the inside.   
10:03pm 09/03/2004
 
mood: drunk
Hiiiii Wow. I havent wrote for a long time. Wo0o0o. Ok. Hi. I went to Brittany's house and then Leahs (And got so stoned) Duh. Yeah. I tried talking to Rob. About. Things. And I said something really fucking bad. He was on the pay phone with Laur trying to get a ride to her house and me and Brittany walked him to the pay phone because I was wlaking to her house and when Rob got on the phone he was being a fucking asshole so I started walking off and he said FUCKING WAIT so I waited. So he comes up to me and Brittany and she said Why do you treat us like were shit? And I said "because we arent Lauren." And I looked at Rob and said "Right?" He gave me one of those Omfg no you didnt girlfreind. But kinda more like ... Omfg you better have slipped otherwise im gonna slip and slit your throat. I didnt mean to say it. I really didnt. But its the truth. And then we were talking about how different he is around Laur. And Then Laur comes. And she stands by me. And she says I want to lick you Kaite. And I said ask Rob because he might have a problem with that. And she said Oh. This shit is fucked up. Like Really. Ok. Im not different when I am with the fucking "Posers" OH FUCK! and then I said something about me being in two groups the poser and the freak/goth/blah-shit and he said they arent posers and I said thats what you call them...Oh wait only behind thier backs right? And I swear. Im gonna get myself in trouble. I thin he is mad at me but I could give a shit right now. Oh well. I g2g. Bye Alex and people
Luv n' everything else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(4 stupid peoples | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Tipsy.   
09:59pm 07/03/2004
  Hey-Lo. Im bored. I kinda cussed Samantha out. I hate her so much. GR! DIE BITCH DIE! Ok. Im done. For all the people who are my friends who read this journal and think I am cool??? Here is her AIM SN and please bug the shit out of her! Super Dummie08 Okez? Lol. Mkayz. Yeah I gfot to go.  
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Confusion and worries along with perfection.   
09:08pm 06/03/2004
 
mood: confused
Rubber roses on candy clouds.
Suicide on top of sanity.
Sex and drugs mixed up and served as a alcoholic beverage.
Life and death said in church.
Sins full of truth and not violence.
Thoughts of colorful beads and ribbons on a plain person.
Fingers brushing through mudd.
Things not allowed to be saw.
Things pushed until they have to be noticed.
A soft beach is the same thing as the burning grounds of Hell.
In a world of mixed up thoughts and confusion.
No one is ever the same though wish to be.
No one does the right thing if the wrong thing is visible.
Thin leather straps slicing into the backs of slaves.
Eyes driving into your skin.
Perfect snow covering the deadly ice.
Cold and warm bars of steel and plastic.
Fake truths and real lies.
Super-men and lonely woman sitting alone in a bar.
Drinking down the blood of the brutally killed animals.
Hands holding the feet of hated dogs.
Pictures of you on the newpaper: Pronounced dead.
Killed with anticipation.
Killed with no proof of life in the first place.
No records of existence.
Fallen souls laying at the bottom of the stairs of Heaven.
Souls that never made it to the top.
Ripped notes laying on the floor soaking up the sweet blood of misery.
Diamond rings flushed down with beer and whiskey.
Memories of hated people and things.
Shadows of things that cant be seen.
Fingerprints from your lips.
Red lipstick on his forehead.
Blue tears on his cheek.
Pink scars on his wrists.
Black scars on his heart.
Purple lips on his face.
A pale while body on the ground.
 
     

(4 stupid peoples | Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Kill me now and eat me later,   
08:49pm 06/03/2004
  Hehehehe. Im bored. blah so bored. Umm yeah anyways. HI! how is yewww? Im fine.... Good. Umm. Yeah I am bored. Nothing to do. Again! Ok Yeah I have to go. Bye  
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
One   
06:12pm 06/03/2004
 
mood: good
Perfect by nature. Icons of selfindulgence Just what we all need More lies about a world that never was and never will be have you no shame? Dont you see me? You know youve got everybody fooled. Look here she comes now bow down and stare in wonder Oh how we love you no flaws when your pretendsing but now I know she never was and never will be you dont know how you betrayed me and somehow youve got everybody fooled. without the mask where will you hide? Cant find yourself lost in the lies I know the truth now I know who you are and I dont love you anymore It never was and never will be Your not real and you cant save me and somehow now your every body's fool.

Heh. Ok yeah. Anywayz. My mom. No Jaquie. IS stupid. And should go shove something up her ass. Ew. Ummm. Nevermind. Yeah Anywayz. I have to go and Call Jaquie.
Love n' Everything Else.
kaite.kady.sammi
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
You wont.   
04:38pm 06/03/2004
  My mom died. Not psyhically. Well to me she did. She is gone. She isnt coming back and I dont even have a guitar to show for her. Nothing... If this is what I wanted for so long. Why arent I happy yet?

Black shadows splatered across the walls,
Old memories painted onto the ceilings.
Whimpers and cries in the closets.
Pictures of demons stapled onto our minds.
Running in and out of the gates to Hell.
Not knowing where to go.
Not staying for reasons unknown.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Stop yo' bitchin'   
11:23pm 05/03/2004
 
mood: embarrassed
I tried I really fucking tried my hardest tonight. I wanted to help. I tried. It didnt work. It didnt. Im so sorry I fucking tried. I wanted to have friends again. I want to have them. No...I want Leah. I dont wanna be blown off. I want to be accepted. But I cant be. Because I hang out with the wrong group. I picked the wrong fucking group. I dont care who the hell says that there isnt one. THERE FUCKING IS! WE ARE ALL SEPARATED! YOU HAVE TO BE BLIND TO NOT SEE! I think people are blind. Lauren is blind. She doesnt see it. ROb does..But what do you expect him to do? Tell the truth? I want them to see and they dont! They fucking dont see anything. Or maybe I dont see. I dont see what I am supossed to.Maybe I should be like themm and whatch people dissapear. And whact best firneds leave. And never come back or say I love you. I need someone like I dont know. I need a razor. I need to cut out my feelings. I need to watch the heal like people wont. Like people wont. I fucking tried. I did. I really did. I wanted things back. I was friends with Britney. Thats how hard I tried. I love him too. Its so fucked up. I like Britney. I wish I would have known her longer. She tries. Like I do. I dooooooo. Ow Fuck. Im eating again. I need to talk to people and try to make them see. Seeeeeeeeeee. No Fuck them. No..fuck me. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Things that arent there.
Hanging in a closet full of good thoughts and feelings.



I cant.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Wowwwww.   
06:30pm 05/03/2004
 
mood: ditzy
What to do. What to do. Skating. Or no? Umm. Tried calling Everyone I know. No answer. Duh. Ok. Yeah. I think I will go to Ohio Skate. Because I have no life. Welcome to my World. NO!! NOT THE SONGGGG! AHHHHH!! Nooo. ='(
Elmo's World.
Ok..
Bye.
Luv n'Everything Else.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Walking home today!   
04:07pm 05/03/2004
 
mood: exhausted
I walked home. YAY!? -.-' Umm Yeah. With Rob and Autumn and Britney and Leah and that one girl Stephanie and Jimmy and a whole shot load of people. Well. I want to say I had the time of life but I didnt? And I really wish I didnt walk home. Rob was being umm mean? And Was being...Rob. I guess. I dont know he wasnt really mean but he wasnt nice ethier. He was blah and OK!
I have to go and look for bed sheets and shit with my grandma. o0o0o0o0 FUN! -.-' Bye.
kaite.kady.sammi
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
The Reason.   
06:35pm 04/03/2004
  Fuck you people. Your mean. Anywayz. I dont like the snow and the cold and all the not being able to go outside and sit on the ground. Well I do. But only when Im with someone. I like spring and laying on the ground and rain and being alone. Winter is something where I dont like to be alone. Wow. Anywayz. I should go to sleep for days and like die in my sleep so people will say I died peacefully to make people pissed off! ^.^ I tried to make you happy? Ok. Anywayz. Leah called me. Go me. And umm we had a conversation about her boyfriend, Ronnie. Ew. I hate him with a strong strong passion. Like Samantha and Caitlyn and Molly(Somewhat). Why shouldnt I? They have...Tried to make me look like a fucking idiot. Tried making my bestfriend hate me and it almost worked. Gr. I fucking hate people that have problems with who I hang out with and who hangs out with me and just blah. Me and Leah are totally different so why do we get along so well. Its too confusing and I dont like thinking about it. I hate waiting for her to stop talking to me because she finally realized she is way too good for some bitch like me. It makes me want to smack her or something. Why do I even have friends? Jeez. I mean come on. Kaite. ::Sigh:: Oh well. Hit this. Blah. I want ti be blue. And have a red dog. And have a pink cat. And have a black and gold fish. Hmn'. Never. heh. I wonder what I am gonna be doing tomorow. I think I am gonna go skating. Or to a movie with Rob and Laur like we planned Monday. But plans never work out so I doubt it. Anywayz. My mom is buying me a guitar. A black and white one for all I know.
Fender.

I really dont want to be with Rob and Laur when I have no one else like Jenny or someone cuz they get all kissy and shit and its just like...Ew. I want to buy them a hotel and throw them the key when they do that. Just. Go away. 86 is a cool number. But 89 is better! hahahhaa. Anywayz. Im really bored. And I need Weed. This weekend. With Leah. Or alchohol. With Leah. Heh.
Bye Ducks.
.kaite.kady.sammi.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Screw Me.   
05:29pm 04/03/2004
 
mood: content
Hiiii. Im bored. Blah. I didnt go to school...again. I have been to school 1 time this week. I missed Friday last week. Gah. I am pathetic. And what do I do when I miss school? I sleep. Gr. Switchfoot-Meant to Live. Thats the song I couldnt find out the name to. But I did it! Yay! Go Me! Heh. -.-' I miss school now. Gr. Gr. Gr. Gr. I am stupid. Yeah. I am. I should die too. Kill me? Stupid people should die so life could be more serious. Wait a minute. That wouldnt be any fun for you smart people though. So nevermind. Heh. I am bored. Blah blah blah. I need a boyfriend. Blah blah blah. Or Girlfriend. blah blah blah. My icon makes me happy. Hehehehehe. Ok I think I am gonna go. ALEX GET ON AOL NOW!
byby
luv u
Kaite. Kady. Sammi.
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
gif and NOT bmp   
11:43pm 03/03/2004
 
mood: distressed
Why me have to be. Why me have to be so stupid!!!!!! GODDDDDD! God needs to be my computer so I can work it. Gr. gif. not bmp. Well fuck you too! Green Dildo. hehehhe Ok I have a headache. GOOD BYE FUCKERS WHO LIKE GIF MORE THEN BMP!
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)

 
Stop being me.   
06:19pm 03/03/2004
 
mood: nauseated
Ok. Hi again. Wow. Im bored. And listening to Blink. Anywayz. Last night was wierd. I was looking at the ceiling kinda wanting to do something them my CD player turned on so I was kinda listening to it then I went to turn it up loud and I cant remember what CD it was. I want my Guitar. I yelled at mom and pretty much told her that if she didnt buy me something like that she would have no use to me anymore since I see her maybe 1nce a month. So yeah. I have nothing to even show that I actully have a mother besides a few CDs its pathetic.

Listen to the screams of you.
Listen to what you make me do.
I dont want to hear the screams.
I dont want to see the scars.
Look what you did.
You did this.
Eyes.
Worn.
From.
Tears.
On.
Her.
Face.
This isnt the end.
As the rain falls so do my tears.
Your tears.
This cant be the end.
Cold and sad faces staring at the sun.
Waiting for the answers.
Waiting for the truth.
Do you have the truth?
Or will you tell it to us?
Snow falls now.
Then the flowers come.
And go.
And then leaves fall on the ground.
Frost.
Snow.
Repeat.
Sounds of breaking bones.
Sounds of popping shoulders.
Sounds of you.
Sounds of pain.
Sounds of you.
Life is temporary.
Like New Year's Resoulutions.
Never becoming the real thing.
Never going out.
Going away.
Staying away.
Stay away.
Blood drops.
Loved hearts.
Broken ones too.
Mine.
Yours.
Blood on the floor.
Floor cleaner lying next to you.
Trying to make the stains go away as she is crying in the bathroom.
Probably cutting.
Again.
Like you.
Did.
And now trying to coverr up.
Its not working.
So you wait for her to some home.
And scream.
And yell.
And ask what the hell is wrong.
Why there is stains on the floor.
Is it food or something.
She doesnt see the tears.
She doesnt see the scars or scabs.
She doesnt see your clothes in the garbage.
The ones that were so full of blood you had to get rid of.
There was no use of washing them.
Hands starting to cramp with pain.
Waiting for the worst.
Hoping for the best.
She comes out of the bathroom.
The miniture you.
The one that can still turn out right.
The one you cry for every night.
And pray for even though nothing happens.
You get in the car.
With her keys.
Not yours.
You seem to take everything.
Including your life?
Well.
This time you will.
As you drive off the cliff.
Land in the ocean.
And take your last breaths.
Thinking of the person who did this to you.
Thinking of him.

~Kaite~Kady~Sammi~
 
     

(Stupid people are cool so tell me your stupid thoughts)